i am starting.
this is a blog. i know that i don’t have an audience and that i’m talking to no one. like a professor in an auditorium lecturing on and on with full presentation materials but having no attendees in class. i doubt any professor has actually carried on a class with no one there to hear and participate in the lecture. so with that in mind i realize that this isn’t worth anything because no one is here, well “worth anything” is debatable.
and that is why I am doing it. i need to heal. i need to do this for me. i need to communicate things to myself and have myself realize how loved it is. so this is for me, sappy and self help ridden as that is.
there are so many people out there trying to get healthy. Myself include. Joella and i talk about being healthy often. not so much physical health. the other healths. relational, spiritual, emotional, mental. those healths. here is the deal. we are all deeply unhealthy.
explanation as to what got me to this point is as follows:
i blew my back out. its gone. it seems to be healing. the same as the polar caps seem to be melting. i cant see it, and it is slow. so so so slow. like life. slowwwww… so i am in physical pain. not for the first time in my life. i have been in physical pain for a solid month. i just finished a heavy dose of anti-inflammatory roids. felt lots better while on the meds. now i hurt. but i am getting better and am emphatically avoiding surgery. despite some recommendations otherwise
now i want to be healthier. my back needs to be healthier so that i can be back to normal (pun intended). though, i don’t think that i want to be my old normal. i not only want to drop 10 pounds, for my back and bodies sack. i need to be healthier so as to not live with pain…..
think about that. i need to be healthier so as to not live with pain….
listen to it…. say it out loud.
i need to be healthier so as to not live with pain….
i have been journaling regularly for a decade now. most of it is junk, but i’m sure i have some good writings in there. i don’t know for sure, nor will i ever know.
what i do know is that writing has helped me. i didn’t know that i liked it. i didn’t know that i was a writer. mostly because i thought writing was hard and that i wasn’t good at it. that was the case for my two older siblings so i fell in with them.
that is not my case; though it maybe my siblings. i like it. and i am good at it. so here i am to do something that i like and that helps me to be healthy.
this is a blog for my health and for the hope that it helps someone else’s health as well.
it is physically painful for me to write right now. but i am going to push through because it is mentally, emotionally, and spiritually beneficial. not so much relational because there is no one reading this at the time of writing.
you will find that my plan is to be minimal with this blog. yes i am a minimalist. and yes it is a form of consumerism, just on the flip side of the coin. no it doesn’t look like your minimalism or like what you think minimalism should look like. i have also been working on being a minimalist for about a decade. well before it was in vogue. when i talked to friends and family about it they would become combative and negative. steve is the one who sniffed out for me that it was another form of consumerism, just on the flip side of the coin.
as well as being a minimalist (reluctantly so), i am also a christian. and here is the deal with these things and how they relate in life. they both don’t fix things. or to stay in with topic “make you healthy”. they help. but its not going to fix me. its not going to fix my pain. its not going to heal…… thats why i am writing. because i want to remind myself that it isn’t going to be fixed. God isn’t going to fix me.
so i need to stop using Him. really stop using anything. thats where the freedom is. thats where the health is. i hope to find myself and this blog to fall in the middle of being philosophical and tactical. meaning not everything is going to be a philosophical understanding of the healths or a tactical step by step guide to get better. but somewhere in the middle of all that. somewhere we all need to be.
because we cant use things. it doesn’t work. we cant use God to make us better. i cant use Him. He doesn’t work that way. He isn’t going to… using him as a lucky rabbits foot or as some wish granter is balderdash and leads to people hating him. i just read something from a kid who understands god so much deeper than he has ever. the kids conclusion though is that he is now an atheist because God isn’t going to magically fix him. he got it right, but somewhere the kid failed to truly understand God’s love and what God truly says about who He is and who we are.
we fail ourselves and others when we teach or believe moralism and that God owes us.
we fail ourselves and others when we teach or believe that we will be happier…if or when….____________……
that is the premise of this blog, Christianity, and minimalism.
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benjamin lee howard